We Should Have Slept While Only Holding Hands, And Yet?!: Volume 3 – Chapter 9

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9. A change for the worse

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“······That, is what happened when I was Jin Jayeon.”

Big Sis Nabom said that with a tired look on her face.

“My story about how I had, fortunately, ended up in this time frame while testing the time machine, so I believed that my run was special and that I could change the future this time.”

I couldn’t believe it.

But, am I wrong? How could I possibly believe this?

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My body trembled. It was cold. My jaw shook. My legs quivered. I wrapped my arms around my body.

M-Me······? Because I was born······? I killed Mom······?

I looked at Big Sis Nabom with my unfocused eyes. It was hard trying to read the expression on her face. Big Sis Nabom turned to look at Dad.

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, you’re the first one to have ever gotten this far.”

And, as expected, Dad was speechless as well.

Only his jaw was trembling, the jaw of his half-opened mouth shook. His quivering eyes stared at Big Sis Nabom anxiously.

It was the night after the festival was over. I went to bed early because I was tired, but I went to Dad’s room because of the noise. Big Sis Nabom was there. There was also Jihye laying on top of the worktable, the several cords attached to her and Big Sis Nabom’s time machine terminal, Dad, and Dad’s computer.

I immediately understood. Big Sis Nabom was trying to quietly, while disregarding the farewell party we were going to hold for her tomorrow, go back to the future by herself.

I tried to stop her because Mom would be sad. I wanted to make her give a proper farewell. It wound up becoming a scuffle and⎯⎯⎯Jihye’s memory data opened.

What I saw, was the last memory I had of Mom.

Mom’s memory data of when she got into a fight with Dad, was told ‘I have never seen you as a woman.’, and was disassembled while pleading to Dad.

Dad and I were both speechless.

Big Sis Nabom had told us all this while we were like this.

The things my previous iterations had gone through back then. Everything.

Her time as Jin Jaim.

Her time as Jin Jayeon.

And afterward, her time as Ha Nabom.

“B-But······!”

Big Sis Nabom slowly turned her head towards me once I somehow managed to speak up stammeringly. My heart was pounding and it was difficult for me to breathe, so it took a couple of attempts before I managed to shout.

“I’ve never seen a middle school version of myself!”

I cried out.

“The person who’s been saying that she has to go back to the future, that she needed Jihye for that sake, and said that she was the future version of myself, aren’t you the one who’s been saying all this?!”

Even if she says Jin Jayeon and Jaim No. 2 as if they were obvious names.

I’ve never seen or heard of her, so how could I possibly believe Big Sis Nabom when she’s talking about her as if she existed.

A girl like that wasn’t here. I’ve never seen or heard of her. A middle school version of myself, I never even thought about one. So even if she tells us all this as if someone like that had been constantly next to us and with us this entire time······!

“I told you. This was what happened to me.”

For some reason, Big Sis Nabom smiled sadly.

“What happened when I was a little older than you and a little younger than I am now.”

Different from now, a time where Nanda Oppa seized his opportunity sooner.

Different from now, a time where Dad invented a lot more stuff.

Different from now, a time where a middle school version of myself appeared as well.

Different from now, a time where the middle school version of myself needed Jihye to go back.

Different from now, a time where Big Sis Nabom left without Jihye.

Like this, a time where we didn’t figure things out sooner.

Big Sis Nabom glanced towards Jihye who was oblivious to all this before turning back to face Dad.

Before I knew it, she was doing her usual, thin smile.

“Afterward, in order to help my father’s ‘Perfect Family Plan’, I changed my name and appearance like this. It might have been because of the information contamination I received that one time, but my hair naturally became white. I think it’s related to that one phenomenon where large mental shocks would go straight to your hair. I’m not sure about the exact details, though.”

Big Sis Nabom spoke while twirling her own hair.

“Shortly after, my father completed the time machine and announced it. Additionally, he warned everyone about the dangers of time travel and declared that a ‘Time Bureau’ should be established. My father became the person in charge. Since I was already aware of this, I prepared and was selected as the youngest Time Bureau agent. After this, I waited for the day my younger self grew up and traveled back in time.”

She spoke nonchalantly as if it weren’t a big deal.

“As I told you before, my father remodeled the robot mom and changed her into Jihye before leaving my young self’s rearing in her hands. It was probably his way of saying that he no longer wanted to see my young self. Afterward, as we had planned, we made it so that my younger self wouldn’t know anything.”

It was as if she were casually talking about something that happened in the past.

“My father’s robot maids gradually became more popularized. Currently, robot maids are used in almost every field of work and their numbers reach the billions, specifically during the time period which Miss Jaim and I are from.”

It was as if she were simply telling us about an obvious truth.

“Once the board found out about the backdoor program and the fact that the robots were receiving orders from my father, they tried to sanction my father, but that was just superficial. In truth, he became even freer. He lost his job but still had the authority to manage every single robot maid. He became able to do things that wouldn’t be revealed to the public. My father’s administration rights already went beyond robot maids and even reached the social systems. Honestly, he’s already conquered the world. If he felt like it, then he could take action by utilizing every single robot maid. Moreover, the majority of the military might that’s needed to stop him also depend on robot maids.”

She dropped this bombshell on us nonchalantly.

“That’s why I was surprised back then. Without me knowing, my father had already been planning this.”

It was as if she were simply telling us an interesting story.

“Congratulations, Underclassman Jin Jaro. You’re going to achieve your dream. In other words, a Mad Scientist that literally succeeds in conquering the world.”

While laughing.

“Of course, bringing my mother back to life was impossible.”

“H, ow······.”

Before I could say something with my trembling mouth, Dad opened his mouth first. While trembling. With scared eyes.

“How, could you talk about this so nonchalantly?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

“How, could you try to create that sort of future nonchalantly?”

Dad spoke as if he couldn’t believe this.

“······How could you, so indifferently, without even doing anything, without trying to change that sort of future, while actually enjoying it······?!”

“Indifferently?”

Once Dad shouted those words angrily with spit flying everywhere, Big Sis Nabom’s smile twisted a little.

“I didn’t do anything?”

At first, it was an annoyed, a mocking smile.

“I didn’t try to change that future and actually enjoyed this······?”

Gradually, bit by bit, it contorted.

It twisted and twisted and seethed up little by little.

“······Do, you know how hard I tried?!”

And eventually, she broke.

“Like, I mean, both my previous self and I! We tried to stop him so many times! Told him to give up! To stop! To accept reality!”

Big Sis Nabom’s face, in one word, was comical. I forgot about the situation for a moment as I thought that.

Rage, joy, hatred, affection, sadness, happiness, sorrow, satisfaction, and other emotions that conflicted with each other were mixed together on her face. With an expression I couldn’t possibly explain with a single word, Big Sis Nabom cried out.

“Do you know what resolve I came here with?! Do you know how I felt as I spent my time here?! You knew nothing and acted however you pleased without thinking about anything!”

Her earlier composure had gone out the window. The emotions which had been boiling underneath came up.

“I’ve thought time and time again! About what I could do to prevent that future! I thought about every possible way and means! Won’t it change if I killed Dad here? Won’t it change if I killed Mom? Won’t it change if I killed myself? Won’t it change if I committed suicide? I thought about every, every single possible method!”

Big Sis Nabom grabbed her chest tightly as she began to shed tears.

“What if I made Dad fall for me? What if I made Dad infatuated with me? What if I hid my identity and simply approached him as a charming upperclassman? I even thought about this! I thought about going this far! I thought about every possible thing I could do! But! But······!”

While gnashing her teeth, while gnashing her teeth as if she intended to grind them down, Big Sis Nabom shouted.

“There’s no assurance whatsoever that doing any of these things would change the future! If anything, that might just make me lose my next opportunity! No one knows what could happen! I want to do something, but I can’t do anything!”

Dad and I could only watch Big Sis Nabom as she broke down.

Big Sis Nabom, who was swinging her body around because of her fierce and seething emotions.

“And, most importantly, I can’t betray my dad! I mustn’t! I’m the one who stole the most important person he had away from him! I’m the one who was born while taking away Mom’s life! I’m the one who committed the gravest crime as I was born! That’s why I have to live for my dad’s sake! Whatever he wants me to do and whatever he needs me for, I have to do it! If even I betray him, then he would truly have nothing left! If I betray him, then I would have truly stolen everything from him! I can’t do that! I can’t do that to my pitiful dad!”

After saying that much, Big Sis Nabom started coughing. She must have shouted too roughly as there was some blood. The sound of her breathing was rough. Only the sound of Big Sis Nabom’s wheezing resonated for a while.

“······It’s, not too late.”

Big Sis Nabom uttered these words with tears flowing down her cheeks after she barely managed to catch her breath.

“Finally, finally the opportunity that every iteration of myself has been yearning for has arrived. An opportunity to betray my dad, to alter my dad’s plan.”

Different from the ones she showed until now, she had a genuine grin on her face.

However, because of that smile, she looked more like a mannequin.

I felt a chill go down my spine.

“Finally, my, my plan worked.”

Big Sis Nabom reached her hand out. There must have been no strength in her body as she fell out of her chair. She fell to the floor like a doll. Despite scowling in pain, Big Sis Nabom crawled towards Dad and touched his cheek. She spoke with a sorrowful tone and expression.

“Until now, a countless number of mes have been waiting for this opportunity. For this opportunity to interfere with my dad’s plan, to make it so you, Mom, and I don’t have to suffer. For this moment.”

Her tone and expression slowly changed into that of happiness.

It was like a doll’s smile.

An animated smile that looked more mechanical than Jihye.

 

Big Sis Nabom touched Dad’s cheek and brought her face so close to his that their noses nearly touched as she spoke.

“You just have to not give birth to me. Don’t give birth to Jin Jaim, Dad.”

With a twisted smile on her face.

“Give up this time. Give up before it’s too late. You said that you didn’t need someone like me, didn’t you? You just have to keep thinking that. You don’t need me. It’s good enough if you and Mom are happy.”

She uttered the words which I, and probably Big Sis Nabom, feared the most.

“You’ll break apart at this rate, Dad. After seeing the most important person, the person you love the most die after giving birth to me, after seeing her die because of someone like me, you break. You end up wandering around without stop trying to find a reason to live. Until the day you truly break apart. You can’t. I can’t let that happen!”

That was future dad’s plan.

To ruin himself, make himself find a reason for breaking, and stay broken forever, that was the outcome he wanted.

“I’ve waited until this moment in order to prevent that. For the one day this opportunity would appear. A countless number of mes have been searching for an opportunity to betray our dad while following along with his plan. And finally, I succeeded.”

While crying and staring directly into Dad’s shaking eyes which had lost their focus because of his unease, Big Sis Nabom spoke.

“If you can’t break up with Mom, if you feel like you’re going to surrender to Mom in the end, if you think you’re going to give birth to me in the end, then I’ll just stay at your side instead. I’ll need you, Dad. I’ll become your everything!”

Big Sis Nabom spoke as she patted her chest frantically.

“I’ll, I’ll stay at your side! I’ll do whatever you want! I’ll become anything for you! If you want someone to replace Mom, then I’ll do it. I’ll cut my hair. I’ll change my way of speaking. I’ll change my personality and my appearance. I’ll become Mom. I’ll embrace you if you’re lonely! Leave everything to me. I’ll comfort you, lick your wounds, and help you slowly forget! I’ll do whatever I can in order to prevent you from breaking down, so please······!”

Dad flinched and backed away. He took a step back.

As if he were afraid. As if he were terrified.

“Please······. Don’t repeat, the same mistake······. For once.”

Once she uttered those words,

Dad turned to look at me.

I was the one to flinch and back away this time because of his lifeless eyes. Dad reached out to me. As if he were asking me to save him. To do something.

But I couldn’t do anything either.

The fact that I was born, the fact that I was here right now meant that I had done the same thing to my Dad. That’s why Dad was cold to me. Because it couldn’t be helped. Because I wound up understanding that Dad of mine.

Regardless, despite all this, I didn’t want to disappear.

Big Sis Nabom was saying that, but I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want to be in a world where no one needed me.

I shouldn’t have been born? There was no need for me to be born? I didn’t want that. No. I don’t like that.

Everything would be better if I were gone? Everyone would be happy if I disappeared? Then what does that make me? No. I don’t want that.

I looked around. I backed away as I looked around. Someone. Anyone was fine, so I looked around for someone who could help me. Someone who could tell me that they needed me. Of course, there was no one here. There’s no way there would be. However, then, I, no, someone, anyone is fine, so please, please.

As I continued to back away, my hand touched the door. Without much thought, simply because of my desire to leave this spot, I opened the door. I grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open.

“Ah······.”

Standing there, on the other side of the door, was Mom.

Mom was, Mom was standing there in an absent sort of way.

That’s right. We made all that noise, so there’s no way that Mom wouldn’t have woke up.

If it’s Mom, then she wouldn’t throw me away.

If it’s Mom, then she wouldn’t tell me that she didn’t need me.

If it’s Mom, then she would need me. She’ll protect me saying that she’s happy because I’m here, because I’m her and Dad’s child.

I was about to reach my hand out. I was about to grab on to Mom. Mom reached her hand out as well.

Yeah. If it’s Mom, if it’s her, then.

She dies, giving birth to me.

She dies, trying to protect me.

“······!”

Before I knew it, I roughly pulled my hand back.

No. I can’t.

I can’t let Mom die because of me.

I can’t let Dad lose Mom because of me and end up like that.

Mom was surprised by my sudden action. The life in Mom’s face drained away as well.

No one could open their mouth. No one could move.

We could only hear the sound of the clock ticking.

Without stopping even in a situation like this, the clock continued to tick.

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〈Volume 3 End〉

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TL note: Fuck. These last three chapters hurt so much. AND WHAT A WAY TO END A VOLUME. There’s still the author’s afterword and, surprisingly, the illustrator’s afterword left after this. I’ll probably put those together into a single release.

I told a lot of people when I first started translating this series to wait until volume 3 to come out before they started reading, so I’m looking forward to seeing those people’s reactions once they get here. Is this cruel? It probably is. Oh well.

I’m going to be starting my winter break soon, so once I finish the afterword, I’ll most likely make an update post to talk about my plans. 2018 is coming to an end. I’ll see you guys then.

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