We Should Have Slept While Only Holding Hands, And Yet?!: Volume 4 – Chapter 2

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2. Limit

 

 

The school excursion was almost here.

This was an event that would normally be held on an earlier date in other schools, but our school would rather uniquely hold the school trip after the KSAT, the national college entrance exams, were over, so in the middle of November. According to rumors, people say that the faculty does this in order to teach the 2nd-year students that ‘your really good days have gone by and only the KSAT are left now’. I believe that this is a good way to give students a sense of crisis.
(TL note: Korean high schools consist of only 3 years.)

“I figured that the school excursion would at least be at Jeju Island or a foreign country, but why the hell are we going to Gyeongju? I went to Gyeongju back in elementary and middle school as well.”

“I heard our neighboring school went to Japan at the beginning of the semester! Ah, seriously!”

“I’ve already memorized all of the roads around the accommodations.”

Because of this, our class has mostly been only talking about the school trip lately.

To summarize their ramblings, it was mostly about how fed up they were with the location. The unchanging tourist spots which they had already seen a long time ago. Even if they went there now, these places were locations that energetic high school students would have no interest in. Although it might be different for liberal arts people who are interested in things like history or geography.

The schedule was a clean 3 nights and 4 days. Albeit, the total time spent traveling around on the rented buses will almost take up an entire day, so our trip was actually shorter than that. We don’t go out of the country, so we can communicate with the locals. Additionally, it seems the teachers wanted to respect our freedom since we were high school students now since they were giving us a free day on the last day.

“Where do you want to go on our free day?”

“There’s nothing to see anyway, right? Going to see a historic site on our free day is a bit······.”

“I plan to find a popular niche restaurant. Want to go together?”

“I’ll definitely confess this time for sure······!”

“If you get rejected, then you’ll probably really focus on studying.”

“Remember, there are only two types of people. You know what ASKY is the abbreviation of, right?”
(TL note: ASKY is the abbreviation of the Korean term 안생겨요 an-saeng-kyeo-yeo, which basically means ‘You won’t get one’. It is only used when telling the other party they won’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend)

Nevertheless, school trips still had the power to get students excited.

As this was an event held only once during one’s high school days, it was also another opportunity to create fun memories following the ones you made during the school festival the previous month. Furthermore, it was also your last moment of rest before you became a third-year student and had to give up on everything. Because of this, although they generally complained about the destination, everyone was noisy as they held their own respective hopes about the trip.

“······But those two are still like that.”

That one comment muttered within the boisterous atmosphere stabbed into me like a dagger. The gazes that turned to me in response to that comment bothered me, but I didn’t say anything. It was true, after all.

Within this heated atmosphere, Saeyeon and I were the only ones who weren’t talking.

Our class was relatively on the good side. We didn’t have issues like the ever so common bullying, and, although we had voluntary loners, there wasn’t a single person in our class who wouldn’t say anything during an event like this. If there were, then it would probably be me in the past.

If I had to say it, then it was most likely thanks to Saeyeon. You could say that she had the ability to relieve people. She was capable of becoming friends with anyone and bringing everyone together as one.

However, as I expected, this was impossible for her right now.

I turned my head.

Being okay and pretending to be okay were two different things. Moreover, pretending to be okay and not even being able to pretend to be okay were also, naturally, two different things.

It’s been a month since the festival had ended. I couldn’t even pretend to be okay anymore. It was too much for me. This was most likely the same for Saeyeon as well.

In the past, she could at least pretend to be okay. She would hide her crying and talk while forcing herself to smile. As if nothing had happened, as if everything was okay, she would act like this.

How many words have I exchanged with Saeyeon during this past month?

Even though we lived in the same house, were in the same class, and were given an opportunity to share more memories together, all of these things simply felt like a curse to me.

It felt like my heart was going to shatter, it would sound somewhat cool to say this, but what if I had to say that my heart had already shattered?

I had resolved myself. I resolved myself several, numerous times that, no matter what happened, I would never let go of her hand. I made the same resolution so many times that even I found it funny.

Not knowing that that resolve, that obsession, and that greed would destroy everything.

I did my best to hold, stick together, fix, and organize my shattered and broken heart. Or at least I tried.

Only the broken fragments remained. The sharp, broken, shattered, and fragmented pieces were the only things that remained. These pieces kept injuring me as they bounced around the inside of my chest however they wanted and shredded my heart. The sharp edges continued to stab the inside of my chest.

Blood flows out from physical injuries, but it doesn’t from internal injuries. Instead, something else flows out from those wounds.

My future self was probably like this as well.

After becoming that broken, something flowed out.

Nothing will remain if this injury is left untouched like this. It’d be similar to a body without any blood as only an empty shell would remain.

It may take several years to fix a human, but it only takes a mere moment to break them. Truly, a single moment.

You can simply repair a broken machine, but how do you repair a broken human? What can you do?

If I knew this would happen, then I wouldn’t have said those words.

If I knew this would happen, then from the very beginning······!”

“What’s with that expression?”

The instant I grit my teeth, I turned my head as I heard a cheeky voice.

“You’ve been making that face a lot lately.”

With his usual pleasant smile, the owner of the voice sat down next to me. As always.

“······What’s up?”

“The school trip is soon. I figured you’d be lonely since you have no friends, so I decided to drop by.”

Shin Nanda. My one and only friend. The only person who was still trying to do something about the current state between me and Saeyeon.

For the past month, our classmates kept trying to talk to me and Saeyeon. From teasing us about how we went around holding hands during the festival, to then asking if something happened immediately after the festival because of how dry our responses were, to finally getting worried that we might have broken up again after another fight.

Nanda was the only one that was outgoing and persistent enough to still be concerned about us even though we had disregarded all of those concerns till now.

“So, have you thought about what you’re going to do on our free day? We have to go anyway, so we might as well have a good time.”

No matter how many times I tried to change the topic and disregard him, he refused to change. Even when I went as far as to bluntly tell him to leave me alone. He simply pretends as if he didn’t hear me.

“If you don’t have any plans yet, want to hang out with me? We haven’t been able to properly go around as the Jin Jjaro Shin Nanda combination lately.”

I was grateful for this in the past.

Worrying about me, pretending to not notice things, and going along with my antics whenever I was pretending to be okay. I was grateful that he would always behave as if he’d never abandon me and would always stay as my friend.

“Ah, as I thought, would it be better if you went around with Saeyeon? Or maybe we can hang out as a trio? Honestly, I’ve been wanting to hang out as a trio when we go on our school trip since last year.”

These words sounded genuine as well.

His words purely sounded as if he wanted nothing more than for me to be together with Saeyeon while he stood at our side, as if he wanted to be together with us as a friend. By hiding his greed, he acted as if he was purely and simply a good friend.

With a smile on his face, he continued to talk to me. As if nothing had happened. As he always would.

“But the little lady would probably be bored when we go on the school trip. You and Saeyeon won’t be around, after all. Ah, would it be fine since Jihye will still be with her? What kind of souvenir would she like······? How about we just bring her with us? It might be impossible for her to go on the school trip with us, but we can book a room through Jihye. I’ll pitch in as well.”

“······Can you stop?”

However, it didn’t feel like that anymore.

Because of my coldly spat out words, Nanda, who had been talking with a pleasant look on his face, froze. I didn’t want to see the look on his face, so I turned my head and continued.

“I’ve told you several times already to leave me alone. Can’t you read the mood? Or what? Are you purposely trying to pick a fight with me?”

My sharp tone caused a couple of the people nearby who had been chatting loudly to turn our way, but I didn’t care.

“······Haha, as I thought, you’ve been in a bad mood lately, huh?”

I heard the sound of him scratching his head awkwardly. This may have been his way of apologizing clumsily, but it didn’t feel like that anymore.

“If you want to talk to Saeyeon, then go to her. Don’t try to save face by coming to me and going about it in a roundabout way.”

“······.”

I turned back to face Nanda as I spoke and saw that his face had become a little more serious than before. That expression annoyed me further.

“All you want is to go on the school trip with Saeyeon, right? Ah, with Jaim as well, huh? She is your self-proclaimed no. 1 fan, after all. Although that’s probably not the only reason.”

“······I intended to feign ignorance and behave as I usually did.”

Nanda took a deep breath and carefully selected his words before speaking again.

“What happened?”

“Is there a reason I should tell you?”

I glared at him as I answered.

The pointed and sharp fragments that had torn up my insides were being directed towards a different target now.

I could feel it as well as I spoke. ‘Ah, I’m gradually starting to resemble him, aren’t I?’, this thought went through my head. But it couldn’t be helped. We’re the same person, after all. I also understood why he did those things and why he had no other choice.

“If anything, isn’t this a good opportunity for you? A strained situation like this where Saeyeon and I aren’t able to talk to each other. Nothing good will come from going out of your way to act friendly with me and pretend as if you’re a good person.”

“You······.”

Nanda’s brow twitched. His usual pleasant smile had disappeared without a trace a long time ago and only a sharp look similar to my own remained on his face as he glared back.

As I expected, the same reaction, huh? Before I knew it, I let out a chuckle.

This guy doesn’t know what happens in the future. Why Jaim, who traveled back in time, was so happy to see him as if she were meeting him for the first time even though she was his fan and his friend’s daughter. He either didn’t want to think about it or his line of thought simply didn’t reach that far.

Nevertheless, it probably didn’t matter to him.

I heard the sound of students buzzing around us. It was as clear as day. The coldhearted words I had spat out towards my friend, who sincerely appeared as if he were worried about me and was also the one whom people believed was the most likely person to relieve this tense situation, and the provocation that was hidden underneath those words. This was all probably visible. The noise around me was incredibly annoying.

“······.”

I was about to say something, but I stopped myself. I pushed my chair back and stood up. Nanda stood up as well and tried to stand in my way, but as I disregarded him and tried to walk away, my shoulder was grabbed. I turned around and glared at him.

“What?”

“What exactly happened on that day?”

Nanda gazed at me with a serious, but worried look. Rather than my cold behavior towards him, it seems his concern about me as a friend had a higher priority.

“I don’t know what happened, but I can clearly tell that you haven’t been in a good mood lately. Regardless, isn’t your attitude a bit too much towards a friend who’s worried about you? It isn’t just me who’s been worried about you. Both you and Saeyeon have been acting strangely and I haven’t been able to get in contact with Jaim recently. Tell me. I don’t know whether I can be of any help or not, but I’ll do whatever I can.”

While suppressing his own emotions, his foremost concern was about what had happened to make me so irksome rather than the fact that he had provoked my ire.

Seriously, he’s a seriously good guy. He’s so radiant that it’s blinding. This guy who didn’t back down no matter what happens was almost as radiant as Saeyeon.

“That’s why······.”

“Go away!”

I shook off his hand that was grabbing my shoulder and shouted.

My shout caused the entire class to go quiet. Nanda was speechless as well. He was simply staring at me with his mouth half-agape as he had frozen in the middle of his sentence.

“······Stop worrying about it and leave me alone.”

Turning away and muttering these words were the only consideration I could manage to show. Nanda didn’t say anything more after this.

I couldn’t hear anything until I closed the classroom door behind me and left.

Saeyeon didn’t turn to look at me even once.

I rubbed my head which felt like it had a migraine.

Thoughts started to go through my head.

Back then, I shouldn’t have said those words.

Back then, it would have been better if I had just given up.

The future approached and the past grew distant.

Only leaving behind all of my regrets, regrets where I believed things would have been better if I had done something else back then.

 

ÅΟΟÅΟΟÅ

 

Having nowhere to go has the same meaning as having nowhere you belong.

Every place my foot reaches breaks my heart. Every place my eyes see fractures my heart. There are reminiscences everywhere, after all. There are memories everywhere, after all. Reminiscences together. Memories together. Things that will obviously shatter one day and only leave behind dust and pieces.

Even though it’s your body and mind, they don’t move as you want them to.

Perhaps, this might be why I like machines. Machines that move according to your design and how you control them. Machines that move and can move as you want them to. Machines that you can fix.

If something is causing you to suffer, then what’s the easiest way to resolve it?

The answer is to throw it away. If it has broken to the point where you can’t put it back together, then there’s no reason to hesitate.

It’d be great if I could throw away this shattered mind as well.

I already know. All of this will flow away once time has passed. Only an empty shell will most likely remain. At the moment, I can only hope for that day to arrive.

Until that day arrives, I have no other choice but to suffer.

Why can’t humans choose how their lives end and make that their ending? Can we not end it at the happiest moment of our lives like the happy endings in those movies and throw out the credits?

The answer to this question is simple. Life isn’t a story. It isn’t a movie or a game either. There’s no other choice but to suffer until that end arrives.

“······Haha.”

No, there’s a way to end it.

Except, I don’t have the courage to do it.

As these thoughts went through my mind, my body moved on its own. My feet moved by memory in search of a place where I could at least reside.

“······Oh dear, what brings you here?”

Where I could, at the very least, reside.

Once I opened the clubroom door, a seated person, who appeared as if they were a natural existence within this scenery now, entered my line of sight.

Opening her usually tired-looking eyes wider than usual and smiling warmly. A modest duffel coat and a red scarf. Radiant silver hair that looked as if some snow had settled on it. A beauty spot right underneath her eye.

“As I thought, did you start to miss me?”

Ha Nabom. My one and only senior, fellow club member, agent dispatched from the future, and my daughter, Jin Jaim.

“······You really aren’t going back, huh?”

“Why are you asking that now? We already live in the same house. Or what? Do you want me to disappear from your sight as soon as possible?”

With a gentle smile on her face, Upperclassman Nabom closed the book she was reading and stood up from her chair. She ignored that I was quietly looking at her as she went to a corner of the clubroom and took out a heater before plugging it in.

“With how chilly the weather has become, it must really be winter now. Well, I personally like a slight chill. Please wait for a moment. It will become warm soon.”

After saying that, Upperclassman Nabom removed her duffel coat and scarf. A casual outfit that gave off a refined-feeling was revealed. Upperclassman Nabom glanced at me and laughed.

“What’s the matter? Have a seat. Or is my casual attire so charming that you can’t take your eyes off of me?”

Upperclassman Nabom, no, Ha Nabom stayed in this time period.

That wasn’t all she did. After her contract with the studio flat she was living in had ended, she packed up all of her stuff and moved into our house saying that she was going to live with us since she’s our daughter.

She took the KSAT, which she previously said she wouldn’t take, and continued to commute to our school as one of the rare 3rd year students who continued to come to school even though our school allowed free attendance for the 3rd year students once the KSAT was over.

Even though she wore casual clothes, didn’t attend any of the classes, and only stayed in the clubroom, no one did anything about it. In truth, this person would only make the atmosphere awkward if she stayed in her classroom.

“Is this the first time since then that the two of us were alone together like this?”

Nabom continued as she sat back down and reopened the book she had been reading.

“I boasted that I would get a perfect score, so it’s a bit embarrassing. Who knew that I would accidentally get a question wrong. Well, thanks to that, I didn’t have to do something bothersome like getting interviewed.”

I was still just standing still, but Nabom glanced at me and smiled gently again.

“As a father, I figured you would be interested in your daughter’s KSAT score, so I told you beforehand, but this isn’t really a score that warrants a scolding, is it? If anything, it wouldn’t be strange if I were praised.”

As if nothing had happened, as if what she showed me back then was nothing more than a moment of my imagination playing tricks on me, she behaved as she always did. Saying nonsense, messing around, and joking around like this as if nothing had changed.

Her nonchalant attitude made me want to complain, get angry, and yell at her since that would only make it fair with how I had vented my anger out on Nanda who was worried about me.

“······Yeah.”

But for some reason, I didn’t feel like doing any of that.

Rather, I felt relieved.

Seriously, not moving the way you want them to is the definition of emotions.

“So, what brings you here? Ah, this clubroom was created by Underclassman Jin Jaro, so there’s nothing strange about you dropping by whenever you want.”

Nabom continued to talk to me as I sat down on a chair. I took off my coat as I ignored her appropriately. The clubroom was gradually becoming warmer, after all.

Honestly, I didn’t want to be here. I’ve had numerous memories here, after all. And, above all else, whenever I’m here, whenever I’m surrounded by all of my inventions, I feel as if my future really wasn’t going to change. It felt like the result of everything I had done would naturally return to that point.

Regardless, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Nowhere at all.

“Mm, it’s warmer now, but, as I expected, it’d be nice if we had something more. How about some coffee?”

Then it might be better if broken things stuck together.

Trash-like inventions, broken machines, a broken inventor, and broken humans. A clubroom filled with hopeless things.

“······Thank you.”

I turned my head towards the voice.

Nabom slowly lowered her head and raised it back up. As if she were sincerely grateful.

“······What for?”

“For listening to my request.”

Nabom answered my question which I had asked in a rather low voice.

“Be it at home or at school, you haven’t spoken a single word to Underclassman Ja Saeyeon or Miss Jin Jaim in the past month. Were you not doing this because of my request?”

Nabom thanked me with a thin and sad smile on her face.

“Thank you for listening to my request.”

“That’s······!”

I wanted to shout that she was wrong. Words tried to come out instinctively.

But what was she wrong about?

What exactly was I trying to deny?

“······.”

I just bit my lip. I put all my remaining strength into my teeth and, tck, I felt and heard the sound of flesh being cut. A metallic taste filled my mouth. Upperclassman Nabom wordlessly set down a cup of coffee in front of me. She then returned to her seat. A veil of silence fell over us.

“Can······. Can I confirm something real quick?”

“What do you wish to confirm?”

Nabom closed her book and looked straight at me. I licked my bleeding lip once before I asked.

“About what we talked about before.”

“As much as you like.”

Nabom nodded her head. I carefully selected my words before pushing them out of my mouth.

“On that day, after the festival was over, you explained to us everything that happened when you were little. About a past that was different from this one······. When Upperclassman Nabom was a middle school student and came to the past under the name Jin Jayeon.”

“Yes. That was the deviation compared to when I was a child. Within this cycle of nonsense that has been repeating over and over again.”

Nabom nodded quietly.

On that night, the events that Nabom told me and Jaim about were completely different from what we had experienced.

Everything I had experienced was solely related to Ha Nabom.

Nabom who could no longer return to the future because her time machine had broken, came to me to get it fixed. When I told her that I couldn’t fix something like that, Nabom revealed that I was the one who invents time machines in the future and said that it could be fixed if we borrowed some of Jihye’s parts.

I, accepted her proposal. Not for her sake, but because I didn’t want to see her anymore. Even though I was the one who asked her to tell me, I couldn’t forgive Nabom for telling me about Saeyeon’s death. Furthermore, because I couldn’t openly admit this either.

Additionally, as her final request, Nabom and I worked together to prepare an exhibition in order to prevent the ‘Creative Science Club’ from being disbanded. I discussed with her about which inventions we should put on display while Saeyeon, Jaim, Nanda, and Jihye helped with the preparations as well.

During this process, I found out that Ha Nabom was Jin Jaim. That Ha Nabom was the result of Jaim not returning to the future and growing up in this time frame.

Moreover, I also learned the reason why Saeyeon will die in 2 years.

With Jihye’s permission, we disassembled, or rather, we improved her and used her as a power source for the time machine. We then enjoyed the festival as Nabom’s final memory here and Nabom later tried to go back to the future without telling anyone.

This is what I had experienced. What happened this time.

What has constantly been repeating until now. 

“As you said, when I was a middle school student, I came to this time period around the time of the festival under the name Jin Jayeon. And, because my time machine had broken, I was the one to use Jihye to return to the future with her instead of Ha Nabom.”

However, that was different from Ha Nabom’s past.

Jaim, who had remained in this time frame, became a middle school student after experiencing Sayeon’s death and her own birth. She then helped develop a time machine for the sake of changing the past together with my future self who had also grown up. She then voluntarily became the first test subject.

As a result, she arrived a short while before the school festival when Saeyeon and I were still in our 2nd year of high school.

She never planned to go to that time frame, so she had to go back, but she wound up staying for a brief period because her time machine broke.

“My young self at the time became hopeful because of this. I believed that something would finally change this time, that things would be different because something different had happened.”

What did that faint smile mean?

“In this time frame that was different from what I remembered, I thought that I could change something with my own two hands. That’s why I tried to interfere with Ha Nabom. I tried to use Jihye who was supposed to be used to fix Nabom’s time machine to fix my own and I did my best to give you hope.”

Jayeon thought. Minor changes occur in both the past and future. As this was the case, she believed that if you could increase the number of those minor changes, then maybe the future itself could be changed as well. Therefore, she believed that there could possibly be a way to cause a massive change.

Thus, Jayeon returned to the future after changing a few things.

This was, what Nabom experienced. What happened in the previous cycle.

Nabom smiled gently and averted her gaze from me.

“But, nothing changed.”

The future didn’t change.

2 years later, Saeyeon gave birth to Jaim in the end and died.

After falling into despair, I made a time machine in order to change the past.

In order to hide this from the young Jaim, in order to make her not know the cruel truth, I created a robot version of Saeyeon. I created a robot maid.

Regardless, nothing had changed.

Saeyeon’s death, a robot imitating Saeyeon, and after my mind gradually broke, cracked, and shattered, in the end, I go completely insane in the future.

I accepted the fact that I couldn’t change the past and, in order to make all of my efforts not be in vain, I latched on to the childish dream I used to have known as world domination.

Reconstruct the robot that was pretending to be Saeyeon into Jihye.

Establish an organization that manages all of the time machines.

Sell the robots I invented around the world, mold things the way I want them to be, and achieve my dream.

This was what was going to happen to me from now on.

The loop that will repeat, the loop that will continue to repeat.

“That’s why I came to a decision.”

In order to prevent that from happening no matter what.

For the sake of her mother who dies giving birth to her and her father who goes mad after losing his wife. In order to change that fate, Nabom asked something of me.

⎯⎯You just have to not give birth to me. Don’t give birth to Jin Jaim, Dad.

A simple but cruel solution. The decision to get rid of herself.

She asked this of me, who had finally uncovered everything that happens in the future, the only one to have ever learned everything.

“······But, I can’t do that.”

I barely managed to shake my head.

Nabom let out a small sigh because of my response.

“The fact that you haven’t said a single word to either Underclassman Ja Saeyeon or Miss Jin Jaim this entire time, was that not for the sake of adhering to my request?”

“That isn’t the reason. I just······.”

“Do you need more time to sort your feelings out? Will you be able to come to a conclusion once you do? Or do you think you can take your time contemplating since there’s still time left?”

Nabom cut me off and gave me a chilling look.

“Even though you already know what’s going to happen as a result of that?”

“······.”

She was······right.

It’d be great if I could throw everything away, but, in the end, I can’t. While bearing in mind the fact that I could break completely, I thought.

Something will definitely change. Things will definitely get better somehow. I’ll definitely think of something that I haven’t been able to until now. Definitely, definitely······.

“You should know very well that that selfishness will ultimately become the largest issue later.”

She was right.

This selfishness will prevent me from letting go of her hand, make me fixate on her, and bound me to her side.

Furthermore, it will also make me miss the opportunity to throw away that greed.

“But, even then······.”

Even if that may be the case.

“I still can’t······!”

I want to protect Saeyeon. I want to be with her.

I want to protect Jaim. I want to keep my promise with her.

I don’t want to throw away the warmth which I barely managed to obtain.

Since I’m the head of the household, since I’m both a husband and a dad, since I have to protect my family, I can’t be the one to destroy it. I can’t give up on Saeyeon and Jaim either. I can’t tell my daughter something like, ‘You should never have been born’. I absolutely won’t.

But······.

But, what am I supposed to do then?

There should definitely be a method somewhere. Maybe if I do something in a certain way. What exactly do I have to do in order to avoid that future? What······.

“⎯⎯⎯Stop it, Dad!”

I turned my head.

Stop it, the meaning behind those words angered me. The rage I’ve been struggling to hold back nearly came out. However, with an urgent expression on her face, Nabom did her best to make a slightly warm smile as she held my hand and spoke.

“······As a man of science, your hand is important, isn’t it?”

My gaze shifted towards the hand Nabom was holding. Before I knew it, I had been unintentionally chewing on my thumbnail. I had chewed off more than half of it as blood flowed down the back of my hand and along my wrist. A sharp, burning sensation followed a second later.

“Please wait for a moment. A first aid kit should be somewhere around here······.”

I couldn’t block the blood that was flowing out from my injury, so I simply let out a small groan as I held my hand. While I was doing this, Nabom took out a first aid kit that had been shoved into the back of a shelf and pulled out a bandaid, some bandages, and a bottle of antiseptic.

“This might sting a little.”

“······Kh!”

I couldn’t endure the pain and wound up letting out a somewhat loud cry. Once the disinfectant touched my wound, it literally felt as if my wound was on fire. Nabom disregarded my groaning as she squeezed some salve out on her slender finger before applying it to my thumb.

“······~!”

“Bear with it. This will naturally hurt.”

Wipe away the blood, apply the salve, and wrap in bandages. Carefully. Her slender and well-defined fingers moved meticulously in order to not touch me and cause any discomfort.

“······All right. With this, I’m finished. It will most likely continue to hurt until your nail grows back, though.”

After putting all the items she took out back into the first aid kit, Nabom smiled brightly. It was a clear and transparent smile as if she had completely forgotten about what we were talking about earlier.

“Come to think of it, this is the opposite of before.”

“······Before?”

While I was busy massaging my thumb, Nabom covered her mouth with one hand and chuckled.

“When I was little······. For Underclassman Jin Jaro, this most likely took place roughly a year ago. When I was injured because I had chewed a nail off, you gave me this same treatment.”

That’s right. That did happen.

It was at the end of March, around a month after Jaim came to the past. After being verbally assaulted by me, which caused information contamination to happen because of the discrepancy between her memories and the present, I gave Jaim the same medical treatment.

“I couldn’t possibly tell you at that time, but I was grateful.”

Nabom smiled warmly as she gazed at my thumb with a reminiscing-look. It was a somewhat affectionate gaze.

“My head was all messed up back then, but, at the very least, I understood that you patched me up.”

“······You’re my daughter, after all. I’d obviously do that for you.”

“Although it didn’t seem like that back then.”

She giggled as if she were having fun, as if the mere act of remembering that time was enjoyable. Completely forgetting about everything she had said earlier.

“Even after saying all that, has your resolve still not changed?”

I asked in a small, mumbling voice. At the very least, I wanted to ask this question to Jin Jaim and not Ha Nabom.

“Naturally.”

Ha Nabom nodded. She erased her smile and answered with an impassive face and with a serious glint in her eyes.

“I exist for the sake of Dad’s happiness.”

How, could she say those words so matter-of-factly? I felt a chill go down my spine. She was scary.

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, are you perhaps free after this?”

Nabom asked while I was staring at her wordlessly. A small smile floating on her lips.

“I would appreciate it if you gave me a little more of your time.”

 

ÅΟΟÅΟΟÅ

 

After sunset, at an empty park within an apartment complex area.

The sound of bugs playing the last serenade of their lives resonated. The low hum of cars in the distant streets could occasionally be heard between the serenades. The noise coming from the TVs inside some of the apartments was so faint that if you didn’t focus on it, it would blend into the background.

“I made you wait.”

A girl’s voice and the sound of clinking breached the surface of all that sound.

“I figured Underclassman Jin Jaro wouldn’t know that much about this, so I arbitrarily picked some on my own. Is that okay?”

“······I’m not knowledgeable in regard to this anyway.”

Nabom sat down next to me on the bench and pulled out a couple of beer cans from a convenience store bag.

“······You bought a lot. One would have been enough.”

“One can of beer is never enough. Well, Underclassman Jin Jaro still isn’t of legal drinking age, so you most likely aren’t aware of this.”

Nabom handed me a can with a bright smile. I took my hand out of my pocket and received it. The weather was already cold, so it just stung a bit to hold a cold can as well.

“In any case, Underclassman Jin Jaro is quite the delinquent. You obediently listened to my request to have some alcohol together even though you’re still a high school student. Adding to that, you accepted a request to drink alone with a girl.”

Even though she was the one who asked. I turned my head away slightly and spoke.

“······I never had a habit of drinking. I’m underaged and alcohol is the enemy of brain cells.”

“I knew you would say that.”

Nabom chuckled as she cracked open her can. Psssh⎯⎯⎯ foam began to flow out from her can following this sound. It seems she managed to shake the cans as she brought them here.

“Although I never had a habit of drinking and alcohol is the enemy of brain cells······.”

I cracked open a can as well. The smell of carbonated beer enveloped us.

“There are naturally days where I also feel like doing something like this.”

“I’m grateful that you’re consenting to this.”

Nabom’s request was an invitation to drink together. She may be a high school student at the moment, but her actual age is that of an adult. She should at least be able to drink alcohol. Probably.

And I also felt like it. Should I call this a break away? This was probably closer to drinking out of desperation. Honestly, I’m not so sure either. I just had an urge to try it out.

I’ve never tried it myself, but I often heard that adults would drink alcohol whenever they felt exhausted.

“Well, we have adult supervision, so it’s fine. It’s funny if you think about it. Even though Underclassman Jin Jaro is the dad here, I’m the adult.”

Nabom chuckled as if she truly found this to be interesting. She seemed happier than usual today. She held her can out towards me.

“Now then, we should toast before we drink.”

“······Cheers.”

I clinked my can slightly against hers. Nabom immediately brought her can to her soft lips and poured it dynamically into her mouth. She might actually be a good drinker. Did she also have a lot of stuff weighing on her mind right now?

······Well, it’s only natural if she’s come this far. I brought my can to my lips as well and took a sip.

“······Kuuh.”

“So you know how to drink. As expected, you have to make that sort of sound after drinking some beer.”

“No, just now, that was······.”

It was because the liquid had touched my torn lip. I gave up on trying to tell her this. Telling her wouldn’t change anything, after all. I took another sip.

The first thing I felt was the fact that beer had a somewhat metallic taste. After I felt that taste fill my mouth, carbonic acid began to tickle the inside of my mouth. Once I gulped it down, I could feel it go down my throat and flow into my stomach. My stomach felt both refreshed and hot at the same time. A bizarre and hot sensation surged through my body. This also came along with the sensation of my mind feeling duller.

“······Hoo.”

It was faint, but the scent of alcohol now lingered in my breath as well. I felt my heart rate go up.

“How is it? The taste of your first beer.”

Nabom asked with an unfitting smirk on her face. The can in her hand was different from the one she had first cracked open. How impressive. I only managed to drink a single gulp.

“······It tastes bad.”

“Fufu, your reactions are just as I expected. The fact that you’re trying to play it off even though you liked it quite a bit, it’s the same as back then.”

She must have been pleased by my response as Nabom chuckled more happily. Well, she wasn’t wrong. I clicked my tongue and took another gulp.

It didn’t taste good, but I understood why people would drink this.

My insides felt hot and the inside of my stomach was filled with carbon dioxide. My mind became dull and I felt bloated. And yet, it didn’t feel bad for some reason.

So this is why adults drink alcohol. I understood now.

“So, why did you want to do this?”

“Because I wanted to drink alcohol.”

Nabom answered in a matter-of-fact tone as she brought her beer to her mouth. A faint smile was lingering on her lips.

“I’m drinking with my dad. I’ve been yearning to do this ever since I first became able to drink alcohol.”

She was impressive for someone who had boldly cajoled her underaged dad to drink convenience store beer with her at a park since we couldn’t go to a pub wearing a school uniform. How touching. This is quite a bizarre setting if you think about it.

“······You never got an opportunity to drink with me in the future, huh?”

Nabom shrugged.

“As Underclassman Jin Jaro said, my dad doesn’t like alcohol. In the first place, we never had that kind of relationship.”

She nodded and took another sip. Nabom drank at a fast pace. I’m not really certain, but if you consider the fact that she was drinking the beer as if she were drinking a normal beverage, this must mean she’s a fast drinker. Although I feel like I heard that beer is treated as a normal beverage in certain foreign countries like Germany.

“I enjoy drinking.”

“Take care of yourself.”

“Are you worried about me?”

Nabom chuckled as she stared at me. For a gaze she was sending to a person whom she had been ignoring, despite living under the same roof for the past month, it was rather friendly.

“Don’t worry. Maidens must naturally behave modestly in order to protect themselves. I normally drink by myself, so there’s no need to be anxious. The only time I drink with a male is during special circumstances like this.”

“No······. I meant that you shouldn’t drink too much.”

“Well, I’m the type to drink without any side dishes, so I guess I should be careful about binge drinking.”

“No wonder you didn’t take out anything else from that bag.”

“Isn’t this better to help Underclassman Jin Jaro become intoxicated? I’ve also been considering the act that naturally follows after a man and a woman drink together.”

“······Don’t make that kind of joke.”

“Fufu. I’ve been feeling a little sad lately because I haven’t been able to tease Underclassman Jin Jaro.”

She looked as if she were having fun.

The broken state she showed me back then had disappeared and the usual mysterious and hard to approach mood she gave off had gone somewhere else. Was this the power of alcohol or was it something else?

We emptied each of our cans for a moment. The night winds of winter were cold. My insides were warm because of the alcohol flowing through me, but that caused me to feel even colder. I thought this was supposed to ward off the cold.

“······What’s your real goal, exactly?”

“Didn’t I already tell you? I wanted to drink. With my dad if possible. There’s no one who would be worried if we came home late, anyway. Mm, Jihye might get worried, but that much should be fine······.”

“I’m asking you what your real goal is.”

The winter wind was cold. Cold was a word that could be used to describe a person’s personality and tone.

“I’ve told you several times already.”

Nabom cracked open another can as she continued.

“My goal is for Jin Jaro to become happy.”

Confidently. As if it were obvious. Without an inch of hesitation.

“It’s enough as long as a person named Jin Jaro becomes even a little happier.”

“It’s, enough?”

“Yes. It’s enough. I don’t care about anything else.”

“Do you not care about the others? Like Saeyeon or Jaim······.”

“There is only one method to make the Jin Jaro that I know happy.”

Nabom cut me off and spoke sternly.

“Ja Saeyeon’s survival. By staying alive and not meeting her end 2 or 3 years from now after leaving Jin Jaro with only a child.”

She concluded as if she were cutting the air with a knife, drawing a line that cannot be crossed.

Because of how bluntly she had put her answer, my answer came out a second late.

“Even if it means you’ll disappear?”

While gnashing my teeth and doing my best to suppress both my rising anger and the heat that was surging up because of the alcohol, I asked.

“Even though you were recounting your memories so happily. Even though you seemed so jubilant to think back about the time I treated your hand and you were delighted that you were able to drink with me, you still want to disappear?”

“Because I already know how it all ends and I’ve experienced it myself.”

A calm and persuasive tone.

“Do you know what I regret the most?”

Nabom turned to look at me as she asked.

“It’s the fact that I had fun. From that day on, every time I had fun, those moments would remain as regrets and scars.”

I could hear the can in Nabom’s hand crinkle.

“My mom died because of my birth, my dad is suffering because I lived, and yet, I ignorantly misunderstood things on my own and had fun. Even though I had committed all of these things, the fact that I’m still having fun at this very moment, the fact that I felt happiness at all causes a wave of regret and embarrassment to hit me all over again. I can’t forgive myself.”

Beer started to flow out from the crinkled can. White foam began to coat her light skin.

“Even though, my greed is ruining everything. Even though everything is my fault.”

What should I say in a situation like this?

I couldn’t say anything in return and simply emptied my can of beer.

Why did things turn out like this?

Back then, I thought that I didn’t want to hear these words ever again.

I thought that you should only have these sorts of contemplation once.

“······But, I can’t let it go.”

My head was dull. I felt nauseous.

“I can’t be happy without Saeyeon, without the family I barely managed to obtain. I just can’t.”

I hated families so much, I despised them all because of my loneliness. I didn’t want to experience that loneliness again.

“They’re precious······! Be it Saeyeon or Jaim, I want to do whatever I can to protect them. I finally, finally managed to feel happy. At long last, Saeyeon, Jaim, and I are able to laugh together······! Uugh······.”

Heat began to travel up to my eyes. The edges of my eyes were hot. My words came out on their own. I’m not sure whether it was because of the alcohol or the carbonation, but something was running rampant inside of me.

“Just because I’m me doesn’t mean I want to be like this! I want to do something if possible! I want to do something for them so much that even I find it surprising! But I have no idea what I should do!”

Even though I don’t want to break apart. Even though I don’t want to go back to how I used to be.

Even though I don’t want to become a person who hates everything around him, thinks of everyone as an enemy, does harm to others, and is harmed in return.

It’d be great if I could simply give up. If I could be satisfied. Maybe if there was someone else who could make Saeyeon happy and be happy themself, if there isn’t, then I’d appreciate another solution.

“Uuu······. Hghh, huuuu······!”

I cracked open my next can. I drank it. Tears flowed out on their own.

“······I thought that you may possibly be weak to alcohol, but I didn’t think you would cry like this. You’re a unique type of drunk, huh?”

Nabom muttered as she gave me a flabbergasted look.

“Sniff, shut up! What’s so bad about being a crying drunk?!”

“······Sure. There’s nothing bad about it. People usually drink to relieve themselves like that.”

My thoughts tangled and twisted together all on their own within my dull head.

“Yeah! If the issue is Saeyeon’s body being weak when she gives birth 2 years from now, then if we wait a little longer······!”

If, if we do that, then both Saeyeon and Jaim should be safe. Everything will be fine.

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, are older sisters and younger sisters the same thing?”

And Nabom asked back without even the slightest hint of intoxication.

“Since she’ll be born from the same father and mother, her personality and appearance should still be the same even if she’s born a little later, right?”

Of course not. I know that. That’s why I had already abandoned this idea.

“Daaaaamn it······!”

I let go of my can in the end. I lowered my head and rubbed my burning face with my hands. The sense of touch on my face was dull, so I could barely feel anything. It was wet because of the moisture. The winter air made my face both hot and cold.

“······Okay. I’ll make Underclassman Jin Jaro’s decision easier.”

Nabom muttered as she put down her beer. I could tell by the noise of her can. I couldn’t see her face and I could only hear her voice.

“Underclassman Jin Jaro, do you remember? Back when I revealed my identity to you for the first time, when I told you about memory manipulation.”

“······What about it?”

I remember. No one found it strange when Jaim appeared for the first time. They simply thought it was a natural occurrence.

“To be exact, it doesn’t manipulate ‘memories’ in themselves. In reality, it slightly alters one’s recognition system. In other words, it’s similar to hypnosis. By tampering with the circuits of the brain, it allows new memories and pieces of information to enter with ease.”

“······So?”

I removed my hands from my face and turned to look at Nabom. I didn’t understand why she was bringing this up. This topic and her words of making my decision easier didn’t seem like they had any relevance.

“Has your migraine gotten a little better?”

Once I heard those words, my dull mind froze for an instant.

I felt a chill.

“······How do you know about that?”

I found myself unconsciously raising my body. My slurring tongue began to move properly. My flowing tears and sobs stopped as well. Only my heart continued to beat at a fast pace.

Around the time Jihye arrived, no, to be more precise, when I began to live together with Saeyeon and Jaim, I started getting migraines. It didn’t happen frequently, but I would occasionally feel a dull, piercing pain on the side of my head.

It normally happened whenever I used my head a lot. That’s why I thought it was because I had overworked my brain. A lot of things started to happen around that time, after all. I had a lot to think about this year.

“I apologize. In truth, I never intended to tell you about this. It just seemed too much, after all.”

Nabom gazed at me calmly as she spoke.

“Nonetheless, if telling you this means it’ll make Underclassman Jin Jaro’s decision easier, then it can’t be helped.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I told you on that day. My original goal, my goal on the surface, was to help my father. To complete the loop and make it so that the future Jin Jaro didn’t fall into despair for nothing.”

That’s right. Even if it meant that it was for the sake of some childish dream like world domination.

But why was she bringing this up now······?

“My father in the future has always been talented since he was little, but that was it. The only reason he was able to invent things that would normally seem impossible, like time machines and robot maids, was because of his obsession and desperation.”

That’s right. The obsession of wanting to see Saeyeon who had died again. The desperation to change the past. These two things were what made my talent blossom.

“The larger your obsession, the more desperate you become, and the stronger the despair caused by those emotions, all of these things combined becomes a huge motivating factor.”

Eyes that appeared as if they were pitying me. That gaze scared me.

“Jin Jaro’s despair was the loss of his family which he had finally managed to obtain and the fact that he couldn’t save his precious, his truly precious family.”

“Don’t tell me······?”

“Yes. I am sincerely sorry.”

Nabom smiled sadly in response to my mumbling.

“At my future father’s command, I have been gradually manipulating Underclassman Jin Jaro’s memories. Secretly, since the first day we met. I used these moments where we’re alone together in the clubroom.”

“⎯⎯⎯······.”

I couldn’t, say a word.

Nabom continued as she watched me stay silent.

“Did you not think it was strange? No matter how estranged our relationship became, no matter how strained our relationship became, in the end, you would always come to the clubroom.”

“That’s because I created this clubroom······!”

“For the past year, have you never thought it was strange? Have you never felt like you were doing things that you normally wouldn’t do?”

Bathing together as a family, going out together to buy a present, albeit for the sake of a reward, and I ran frantically in order to protect my family.

We went to a karaoke room together, I went to teach the kids who harassed my family a lesson, I read storybooks for my family before bed, asked my friend for a favor in order to create good memories, and I apologized for causing a misunderstanding.

We went together here and there, laughed together, cried together, created valuable memories, and I believed that I wanted to protect that.

“I also changed because of Jaim and Saeyeon, so······!”

“Do you sincerely believe that someone who had spent more than a decade avoiding their problems through almost ridiculous delusions would be able to change like that as if it were completely natural in less than a year?”

Nabom’s expression looked sadder and sadder as I continued to respond.

“The more Underclassman Jin Jaro cherishes your family and holds them dear, the more despair you will receive once you lose them. Additionally, the obsession and desperation to do something about it will increase as well. These are the things that will help you blossom into a higher talent, after all.”

I tried, I tried my best to say anything.

I rubbed my painfully throbbing head and squeezed out my words.

“So, the thoughts I’m having right now, the emotions I’m feeling, the despair, all of these things, were fabricated······?”

“Yes.”

Nabom answered without any hesitation.

“Science consists of problem posing, observation, experimenting, and conclusion. Experimental groups are required for experiments and experimental groups need to be managed according to the conditions of the experiments.”

With those sorrowful eyes,

“Even though your desires to cherish your family, to be concerned about them, and to hold them dear are nothing more than fabrications······.”

Nabom looked straight at me and asked.

“Do you still wish to protect Miss Jin Jaim?”

She asked.

“······Ha, hahaha······.”

Seriously, isn’t this too unreasonable?

No matter how cruel fate may be, no matter how many times it shatters my heart and harms me, isn’t this way too unreasonable?

Being given something for the sake of taking it away so that I would despair more once it’s taken.

How much more are they going to torment me before they’re finally satisfied?

I couldn’t respond. My intoxicated insides ached.

The unbearable emotions got caught in my throat as I wept bitterly.

Ο

Ο

Ο

Ο

Ο

Intermission. Nanda

 

“What’s up with him······?”

I kicked a stone that was sitting near my feet. The stone flew away and rolled across the ground in the distance.

“Even though his friend is worried about him, sheesh, this is why Jjaro is······.”

I walked across the schoolyard as I complained.

I’ve known Jjaro for almost 2 years now. I won’t say that I know everything about him, but I feel like I’ve gotten reasonably close to him. At the very least, I’m probably the closest person to him second to Saeyeon.

That’s why I’ve already seen him act hysterical like this several times before. I’m not going to suddenly be surprised by his sulky mood now of all times.

Jjaro, my friend Jin Jaro, although his personality is a bit of a mess because of how curt and stubborn he is, he isn’t a bad person. He’s difficult to deal with and is a bit fussy, but he at least doesn’t get annoyed and upset for no reason. There is always a reason.

Therefore, there should definitely be a reason why he’s been acting like this for the past month. A reason why he can’t tell anyone.

······But

“······He didn’t have to say all that.”

I found myself letting out a complaint.

We may be really close friends, but I still believe there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Especially if it’s a mutually respected matter.

I like Saeyeon. Jjaro knows this.

Saeyeon likes Jjaro. I know this.

And the three of us are friends. A love triangle that would fit better in some generic romance movie. Regardless, we have an implicit agreement because of this. I’m satisfied watching Saeyeon, the person I like, be happy together with Jjaro, the person she likes. That’s it. It doesn’t go any further than this.

Thus, although this year has been a bit regrettable, I also felt happy.

Jjaro, who had hated Saeyeon until recently, had finally opened up to her and, as the two of them got closer, he started to accept Saeyeon’s feelings gradually. It’d be a lie if I were to say I didn’t feel sad, but it wasn’t bad.

Saeyeon was happy and Jjaro had rounded off a little as well. His once sharp edges gradually became duller and he started to also treat me as a good friend, instead of how I was the only one who thought we were good friends before.

This was probably all thanks to that little lady.

Jjaro and Saeyeon’s daughter who came from the future. My no.1 fan.

She may be a little shrewd and mischievous, but she was still an adorable girl.

In the past, Jjaro told me as a joke to not eye her, but I never planned to do something like that since the beginning. I wasn’t as reckless as to put my hands on my friend’s daughter and there was also the age gap.

“······.”

Nonetheless, I enjoyed it when she fangirled over me and followed me around.

She hasn’t been coming to school lately, and I can’t get in contact with her anymore.

I don’t think she went back to the future, but even if she didn’t, I had no way of knowing what she’s been doing lately and where she was.

Furthermore, it bothered me that both Saeyeon and Jjaro didn’t seem concerned about Jaim.

I don’t know about Jjaro, but if it’s Saeyeon, the kind and innocent Saeyeon whom I fell for, then she should be worried. She should be trying to do something about it.

What could have possibly happened?

They looked like they were getting along on the day of the festival. I thought those happy days would continue and the three of us would grow closer.

I wanted to know, so I tried several times throughout the past month to carefully approach him. I wanted to do anything within my power to help, after all.

I tried talking to Jjaro who looked as if he were driven to a corner and now seemed to hate people more than the first time I met him. Furthermore, I considered the possibility of being misunderstood by Jjaro or other people and tried to talk to Saeyeon as well, but the only thing I received in return was either silence or a roundabout refusal with a sad and tired gaze.

The reason why I had a funny name like ‘Shin Nanda’ was because of my dad.

He wanted me to always be excited, energetic, and a person who could also make others excited.
(TL note: I mentioned this before, but the literal translation of shinnanda is ‘Exciting’, ‘I’m having fun’, ‘I’m having a good time’, etc. The meaning differs slightly depending on the usage, but it’s generally the same.) 

That’s why I dislike these kinds of atmospheres. Especially if it’s related to my friend, the person I like, and even more so if it involves the little girl who likes me.

Do I have to hit him like I did last time?

“Ah······.”

As I was pondering about this, I turned my head towards the voice which I happened to hear as I walked through the school gate.

“I’m sorry, but I’ll be taking my leave. Thank you for talking to me.”

“Sure! Let’s chat again later, Jihye!”

A group of girls was chatting next to the school gate. This wasn’t a particularly bizarre sight as our school had just ended for the day, but there was a girl among them whose outfit really stuck out like a sore thumb.

A girl wearing a fancy outfit that would normally appear only in manga was talking to two girls wearing school uniforms. It might be a bit wrong to call it fancy, but its main colors were black and white. Regardless, the buoyant dress gave off an elegant feeling.

She called it a maid uniform, right?

As I watched her blankly, she gave a polite farewell to the students she was talking to before approaching me. I shook off the unfitting serious expression that was on my face and gave her a friendly wave.

“Jihye, what brings you here? Are you waiting for Jjaro and Saeyeon?”

Jin Jihye. A robot maid created by Jjaro in the future.

Jihye returned my greeting with a courteous bow.

The more I look at her, the more she resembles Saeyeon. Her appearance is a little different, but the atmospheric mood she gives off is similar.

Clear and transparent eyes that gave off an innocent vibe. Eyebrows that curved like rainbows. A pleasant smile where she gently raised the corners of her mouth. Jihye shook her head as she giggled.

“No. I was waiting here in order to specifically meet Mr. Shin Nanda and not Master or the Missus.”

“······Me?”

I was caught a little off guard, so I asked back. I never thought she would go out of her way to wait for me in front of the school gate.

“Yes. I wanted to consult Mr. Shin Nanda about something.”

Jihye nodded her head before displaying a troubled smile.

“Uhm······. Mr. Shin Nanda has probably noticed already, but Master, the Missus, and the Miss have been acting strange lately.”

“Ah, that issue······.”

Before I knew it, my expression became darker as I responded. Jihye also made a slightly grim face as she continued.

“Yes. It has already been a month since they stopped talking to each other even at home, and it feels like they’re distancing themselves from one another. It’s almost like the future·····.”

Jaim had told me about this before. How her life with Jjaro was like in the future.

Jjaro and Saeyeon get married in the future and give birth to Jaim, but, in the end, Jjaro isn’t able to accept Saeyeon’s feelings, so Saeyeon leaves after getting into a fight with Jjaro. After that point, Jjaro stopped caring about Jaim and left the nurturing to Jihye as if he were tossing her aside and focused on his work.

I believed this was something that was fully possible.

Nevertheless, I didn’t think it would happen because of how much he had changed in the past year.

“······It really is worrisome if you consider how they’ve been acting lately.”

If you think about their recent state, I felt as if the future events were really going to happen.

“Yes······. That’s why I came here in hopes that it would be different in school and to ask Mr. Shin Nanda if he knew anything.”

Jihye grabbed my hand with both of her hands and asked carefully. I panicked a little.

“If you perhaps know the reason, then can you tell me? I’d be grateful for any information you can offer. Please!”

“W-Wait a second. For starters, can you let go my hand······?”

I know that she’s a robot, but if a girl as pretty as her grabs your hand in such a desperate manner, then you can’t help but get flustered. Especially if she resembles the girl you fell for. Furthermore, the hands which I expected to be cold had a warmth to them.

Once I looked around, a couple of students who were looking at us quickly turned away once they noticed my gaze. This was a bit embarrassing.

“Ah, pardon me.”

Jihye released my hand. I’m not trying to boast, but I’m fairly popular with the girls. I’m on the relatively handsome side and I believe I have a decent personality as well, after all. Nonetheless, I’ve never particularly reacted to them before. I have a person I like, after all.

 

······But for my heart to have fluttered for a short moment, I must also have an illness. Do I also have a machine fetish like Jjaro? I don’t really want that.

“In any case, do you know anything? I know that this is really out of the blue, but······.”

I finally managed to return to my senses as Jihye asked cautiously again. I shook my head sadly.

“No. I don’t know that much either. I actually got in a fight with him earlier because of this.”

“A fight······? Mr. Shin Nanda and Master?”

“Ah, we didn’t swing our fists or anything. It was nothing more than a trivial verbal fight. Don’t misunderstand.”

She called herself a loyal robot maid, so I made sure to clear up the situation because I thought she would get mad that I had fought with her master, but Jihye just muttered to herself in surprise.

“How could he fight with the kind Mr. Shin Nanda when he’s such a good friend. Master, you really are in a bad condition······.”

······It’s a bit embarrassing to hear that from someone else’s mouth.

“In any case, I know that Jjaro and Saeyeon are like that because something had happened, but I don’t know what.”

“I see······. Do they not talk even at school?”

“Yeah. They don’t even make eye contact.”

The only time it got this bad was when they fought back when Jaim first arrived.

“Come to think of it, how about Jaim? I haven’t been able to reach her lately.”

As Jihye brought her hand to her chin and pondered, a shadow cast over her face even more once I brought up Jaim. That expression alone was a good enough answer.

“The Miss has been acting strangely recently as well. She doesn’t even leave her room······.”

“······This is a lot worse than I imagined.”

She doesn’t come out of her room? I thought it was weird that I couldn’t see Jaim anywhere in a time like this when she had been doing her best to get Jjaro and Saeyeon together, but I didn’t know it was this severe.

“I don’t know why everyone is behaving this way either. I want to do something about it, but······.”

With her arms folded, Jihye tilted her head slightly and contemplated. Whenever I see her like this, I seriously can’t believe that she’s a robot.

At any rate, how does Jjaro not know that other people are this worried about him? I could only sigh.

“Ah, I apologize. I held you up when you were going home.”

“No, that’s not why I sighed······.”

Jihye lowered her head apologetically. It seems that she had misinterpreted my sigh. Jihye spoke as if she thought it was a shame.

“I wanted to talk a little longer, but Mr. Shin Nanda must be busy and I also have to go back and start preparations for dinner. Would it be fine if I excused myself?”

“Ah, yeah. Sure.”

They at least eat dinner together, huh?

Once I gave her a reply, Jihye took a step back and bowed.

“Then I’ll be taking my leave. I hope we can chat again next time.”

Once I gave her a nod, Jihye turned around and began to walk.

What a faithful robot maid, this thought went through my head.

Even though she should only be a robot, I could, at the very least, feel the sincerity in her desire to do something about this situation.

“⎯⎯⎯Hey!”

Jihye blinked in surprise and turned to look at me because I had suddenly called out to her.

“I’ll also help in whatever way I can⎯⎯⎯!”

And, after hearing my shout, the blinking Jihye giggled and gave me a nod.

To be honest, it’s not like I didn’t have any greed. I’m also a person, a man, and it’s the person I like.

If Jjaro and Saeyeon’s relationship is bad, if I use this opportunity, then maybe I could be by Saeyeon’s side. It’s not like this thought had never gone through my head.

Wouldn’t this be better for everyone? If problems keep occurring between Jjaro and Saeyeon, if this causes both sides to hurt, then wouldn’t it be better if I was at her side instead? I’ve made these sorts of self-justifications before.

This unpleasant feeling, this feeling of betrayal, well, to put it in common words, it seems that I’m still sulking.

Regardless, at the very least, right now.

A little bit more.

“······As I thought, my personality doesn’t work as a protagonist or an antagonist.”

I smiled bitterly and shook my head.

Nevertheless, I still want to get a little revenge.

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TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. This chapter was actually a really big pain to write. There were a lot of those continuous sentences that used multiple ‘as if~’ and other similar things that made it really difficult to word things properly. Even in English, they aren’t exactly grammatically proper sentences, but they’re a stylization to sort of emphasize the mental condition the characters are in. Nanda’s part was frustrating, too. He had a lot of drifting sentences in his mental monologue where he wouldn’t finish the sentence.

In any case, I’ll be going back to translating some more DD WN chapters again before I translate the next Handholding chapter. Albeit, I’m actually going to be taking a break for the next few days because my midterm exams are nearly over and I also caught the flu yesterday morning. I can’t really translate properly when the flu is preventing me from thinking straight.

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